Friday, September 30, 2005

Excuse me, I seem to have misplaced myself...

Alas, September comes to a seemingly premature close, with a 64 degree day as a kick-in-the-pants reminder that summer is beginning its farewell. Hellos and goodbyes seem to be finding me a lot these days.

Haven't written a damn thing since August, partially because I just didn't know what to write about. There's been a lot going on, as many of you know. Things with the band have been, well, bittersweet. It's funny what happens to people's perspective about things over time. Sometimes time doesn't change you at all. Other times you can feel yourself change. The trick, I think, is to let some things go. We have to allow things to happen to us. Someone recently told me, "You never get where you really want to be in life by going in a straight line. It's always a zig-zagging path to your goals." These straight-line days seem to be coming to an end. And I could use the change in scenery, to be honest.

Other than that, I've been feeling a little disconnected in general. Like coming out of a breakup. OK, it sounds pretty cliche, but I'll allow myself one cliche per journal entry per year. This is it. Bear with me. The weird thing is, I feel not necessarily like I've just broken up with my band, but like I've broken up with myself. It's funny to think about your own identity, and where it lies within our lives. We are defined by what we do. And what I did was what I knew. I still know it, I know, but it's now a new kind of knowledge that I need to know, you know? Chew on that one for a second.

So we are defined by what we do. But we are also defined by what we do in the face of adversity. How we handle ourselves in times of change. The actions we take when we're out of our comfort zones. And here I am.

I am agitated. I am restless. And at the same time, I am tired. And with that, I am tired of being tired. This isn't me, and I know it. That's the part that gets to me the most. I feel like I don't know anything else, but I know that. So you could say that's a start...

I could use some fresh air. I could use a change of pace. I could use some time away. I could use some inspiration...

For now, I'll rely on a song that has gotten me through many a tough time to date...

"...And it seems like the road will soon be ending
And it feels like with some things, we're all alone
Don't waste your time trying to change the things you can't control
Just let them go now
Just let them go for now..."

-James Kinne